Someone posted this saying as a meme in a group I’m in and I re-posted it on my wall on Facebook. It’s probably one of the best things I’ve read in a LONG time when it comes to self-care and making sure you aren’t working as hard as others at hurting yourself. And I think a lot of us are guilty of this. Especially when it comes to specific relationships. We allow whatever good or loving feelings we’ve had or have for someone to gloss over their bad and hurtful qualities and unfortunately, sometimes it opens the door for the same people to hurt us over and over again.
I have definitely fallen victim to this. I’d much rather not have people mad at me (or act mad at me or tell me they’re mad at me) than do what’s right and walk away from someone toxic. I get scared for how people will react when they hear (and yes, people talk, so people always hear about it) that I allowed myself to be used, bruised and hurt by someone. As if I am the one who should be ashamed. And that’s outrageous.
Many, many moons ago, I was seeing someone. This person was…well, not free to be “dating”. You know, seeing as this person was already in a relationship. But…I allowed them to walk all over me, hurt me, convince me to engage in behaviors that would not be my natural inclination. Because of this awful situation, a lot of people wound up hurting. It was ugly. And yet, I spent another year trying with all my might to justify what happened and make excuses. Why? Looking back now with A LOT more clarity and wisdom, I can say, well, I was dumb. And duped. And kind of gullible.
But here I am today, stronger, wiser, happily married and not caring at all about that person.
I bring this up not to hash up stuff from the past best left there, but to make a point, especially to my girls. Because I really think we women are FAR more guilty of this than men. Here’s my point, my lovely daughters: if someone has hurt you, stop thinking you can excuse their behaviour. Don’t tell yourself that it’s your fault for that thing you said or that thing you did. It’s not. Be confident that you are a magnificent being and you deserve someone who will treat you as such. Hold your head high and know that you are worthy of decency, consideration and kindness. Take that knowledge with you everywhere you go in your life. Live well, love hard, and let go of those who are not able to see you for the glorious woman that you are. I loved you hard so that you would know what it looks like. Remember that.