If you were counting, you will have noticed that this past week was week 6, the last week of the #FindYourFit challenge that my cousin designed and that I was doing. You might also be wondering, where in the hell my updates and my results are.
In week three, I re-injured my back. It’s no surprise to readers here that I have a love-hate relationship with my back. Last year I injured it so bad that it was painful for over four months and I did not want to go through that again. I can’t stand being on drugs for it and I can’t function when it’s that bad. So, I did what any responsible adult would do three weeks ago; I consulted medical professionals.
It only makes sense, I went to a fitness professional when I wanted to change my fitness, I needed a medical professional for my stupid back.
Here’s the problem: I got heavier again. In a nutshell, this is what it boils down to. I tend to get stress-heavy because I’m a stress eater. No, it’s not a great coping mechanism, in fact it’s no coping technique at all. But, like millions of other men and women in the world, that’s what I do. Lord knows I’ve had enough stress this past year. It was only around this time last year that I found out my oldest was in such deep trouble personally and that he was trashing my house back in Ontario with his negligence. A year ago that we sent Keisha there to bail him out. The fall-out from that whole episode is still something we are dealing with and will be for the next four years. Then of course, the heart attack happened and the residual effects of that are still going on. I gained thirty pounds in the past months of stress. And every time my weight goes over 200, my back pays the price. I was told that I needed to lose weight before my back and knees could take the workouts. Doing it while I am still this heavy is only going to cause strain and pain. I can do low impact exercize and I can watch what I eat and that’s about it for now.
The sad things is, I feel like I let Chris down because I couldn’t finish. I still have the program and I plan to do it when I reach the goal weight loss I was set, but I hate committing to something and then not seeing it through.
Going through all this in the last few weeks has also left a large scar across my state of mind. It’s hard to admit that you’re in an unhealthy place and it’s hard to get out of it. I don’t enjoy a lot of things about myself at the moment and it’s hard work to change that internal dialogue. But I’m working on it.
Anyway, I didn’t want to hijack my winner post with this update so, a rarity, but it’s a two-post day.
Much love to everyone!
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