I have a confession to make.
I’m wearing Long Jane’s today. Or Lady Long John’s. Actually, they are a pair of navy blue leotards, like the kind that you can get for very little girls, all knitted and warm. I almost never wear them because, as leotards tend to do, they make me look much wider in the leg than I really am due to the thick knit, but I still think they’re kind of awesome because they remind me of first days of school and tartan design skirts and Sears catalagues.
I’m wearing them today under my pants because it’s holyhelljeebusitseffingcold outside.
On top of this, we had to go out early this morning and the heater in both of our cars has died.
On top of this, half way to work today my jeep just stopped running. It just plain stopped and wouldn’t get going again.
Did I mention it’s freaking cold??
I think we got spoiled with all the weather we’ve had up until the last four days. It was unseasonably warm in December and the first half of January didn’t get nearly the amount of snow or cold weather we’re used to being eased into by this time of year. Then all of a sudden, BLAMMO we get hit with huge winds and temperatures in the minus double digits.
I have to adopt coping mechanisms when it’s this cold out because cold and I do not agree. I am a summer person all the way. Give me 32 degree weather outside and I’m in heaven. This bullshit, however, I am adamantly against. So, I layer up a lot, giving the impression that I’ve gained more weight than I really have simply so that the wind doesn’t whip through me so much that I lose feeling in my legs, arms, hands, feet, even nose. I plan it so that I have the least amount of reasons to go out. If there are a bunch of things that need to get done, I try and do them in one trip so that I don’t need to keep on going back out. Unless absolutely necessary, I don’t leave the house after dark AT ALL. My scarf becomes my new best friend. I have a nice long one that I can wrap around me a whole bunch of times, it’s comforting. My bed becomes (more of than usual) my favourite place in the whole world. I would live there between December and March if I could.
I know, I know: I’m a Canadian girl. I should be used to winters by now. I’ve lived through 37 of the damn things. It doesn’t matter though, no amount of winters lived through and survived are going to acclimate me to them. I will hate them from now until the day I die.
Friends, grab on to a warm body, get under a blanket and enjoy the awesomeness of body heat to get through these cold days and nights. Be extra nice to the employees of Tim Horton’s; they hold the coffee. Be careful of how much time you leave your pets out in backyards or on walks so they can relieve themselves and make sure your kids have extra hats, mitts and scarves to keep them warm.
Then all of us, and I mean ALL of us should collectively bend our heads to pray for an early spring.
Or start drinking.
Either way. 🙂
Nuala Reilly: A Writer's Journey 