I have a love-hate relationship with my birthday. As a kid, I hated it. Summer birthdays are awful, No one is home, it’s hot and everyone feels kind of lethargic.
Then I got older and started loving my birthday. I loved going out with friends, going out with my husband and having the kids bring me lovely handmade gifts and cards. The day changed into something to be shared as a fun day with the family and that’s when I really started to love it.
Whenever my birthday falls on a weekend, we tend to make a fuss of it all weekend. But to be fair, we do this for everyone in the family.
So Friday. We decided to get pizza and Shawn and I drove with our daughter Kathryn (16), to pick it up. I drove, in my slippers, and so they went into the store and I stayed in the car. While they were in, the Lost Boys song came on the radio. I really like it and I know Kathryn loves it so I turned it up and when they got back in the car, we drove away and Kathryn started to sing along.
Maybe it’s because I was already feeling nostalgic, since my birthday was two days away. Maybe it was the sound of her voice or the lyrics. I suddenly realized that she is no longer a “lost boy”. That age of innocence and fairies and lands of make believe are almost over for her. My beautiful baby girl now wears make up and goes on dates and she is no longer full of pig tails and make believe. I started to tear up. And then I started to cry. Shawn tried to ask me what was wrong but, I knew if I spoke it would be a loud, ugly sob, so I shook my head. He gave me a few minutes and when I told him, I could see him reacting as well.
Now, I should say, of all my kids Kathryn is probably actually the one who has most held on to the magic of childhood and maybe that was also part of why I was so moved. Anyway, once the emotional vault has been opened with me, it’s hard to close, so I was in or close to tears all night for the opening of the olympics.
Yesterday we went to the Saint John pride parade and we walked in it this year. With one gay daughter and one daughter who is…questioning, it’s so important for me as a parent to celebrate who they are as individuals and show them the community which is full of more love and acceptance than any other community I’ve had the pleasure to know. Seeing the smiles on the faces of my family as they walked and all the positive and loving energy in the city was truly remarkable.
Last night Shawn took me to the movies to see Suicide Squad. I was never a comic book kid but I’m loving the movies and he is loving bringing me into a world that was a big part of his childhood. Although there were a few obvious plot holes, I thoroughly enjoyed it. We left the theatre just after nine to a late twilight and a very foggy city. I asked him to drive home along the KV river.
As most of you who know us know, Shawn is the romantic. He has been known to give me flowers “just because it’s Thursday” and to romance me with poems and gifts and sweet surprises.
But last night, with all the wonderful feelings of the day still swirling, I was the romantic one.
On the river there is a warf where the boats all launch and a huge pier. The shore has a lighthouse that doesn’t shine it’s top light much, but is still quite pretty. I asked him to pull in to the parking lot and we got out and walked down into the pier. There was still a hazy fog everywhere and the water was calm as glass and there was lights from the boats reflecting. I turned on my phone, put on The Luckiest, and asked him to dance with me.
So he did. We danced on that pier all alone in the fog and the dark and the dancing lights and I realized, Neverland is always there, if you look for it. It just hides behind all the work and the bills and the struggles of everyday life but, when you need it, it’s just below the surface. Or perhaps, dancing on it.
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