It’s friday. One week ago today at 4:20pm, Shawn had a full cardiac arrest. Then a second one an hour and a half later. I have to get back to work today. It sucks.
I couldn’t sleep last night, no big surprise there, so at 5:30 this morning I went in to the hospital to hang with my love until it was time to come in to the office.
He was awake too, which meant we got two hours of time together before I had to go.
He touched my hands a lot. He told me that he wants to come home and asked if I thought they would let him by Sunday. I told him probably not. He told me it was good motivation for moving around more and trying to walk a bit more today. Because his night nurses no longer need to camp out in his room, we had some really great alone time. He made a joke about having sex (to which I pointed out that 1. I would likely kill him, and that would suck and 2. his catheter would be a bit of a hindrance) but it just shows that he’s getting back to his old self. Then he asked me to close the curtain and sit with him on his bed. As he raised his hand up to me, I thought, judging by the last joke he had just made, that he was going in to cop a feel, but no, instead he put his hand on my chest. Right about where my heart is.
I couldn’t help it. I started to cry. I told him I was scared for him to come home because I don’t want anything else to happen to him. He told me not to cry. He told me that he will come back from this stronger than ever. He said our hearts are meant to keep on going.
So, six thirty in the morning and I am getting romance from the Big Guy with the weak heart.
Then he asked me when breakfast would be there, because goodness knows all he wants right now is juice and water. And of course, for me to skip one more day of work and just stay with him in the hospital, with the curtain pulled, with no one in the world but he and I and a heart monitor.
My love to all. The Big Guy says thanks for all the support. He sends his love.