This has been a relatively quiet week for me on the blog, but there are some major things happening in my life this week. Truth be told, there has been a major thing happening for about the past month, but I won’t go into too many details since some of it directly affects people who are not me, and I would not share publicly that which might cause them upset.
We’re finally getting rid of our Ontario house. It’s been a crazy long process and has been full of things I never thought in a million years I would have to deal with, but we are finally able to put that last piece of our Ontario lives behind us. It’s a good and positive thing that comes with some harsh realities.
For the last month our oldest daughter has been in Ontario with our oldest child and son. She’s been managing all the ins and outs of getting the house prepped and ready to let go of and she’s been doing an incredible job. Even in the face of some other adults showing up at the house and threatening her on occasion (the house had become something of a party house and a few irate parents have ‘stopped by’). But she has handled it all with grace and gusto. This morning I got up at 3:20am to drive my husband to the airport so that he can go back there and bring both kids home. For the first time in well over a year we will all be living under one roof again.
However, with the cross-province dealings with the house, making sure our daughter (and our son) are safe, balancing two homes, two mortgages, etc, dealing with the bank on a weekly, sometime even more frequent, basis to keep them in the loop and trying to stay sane, raise my three other kids and keep my new job, I have been under some stress.
About two weeks ago I started to not feel so good some days. Nothing I could pinpoint, just general malaise. I shrugged it off. But for the past four days, and getting stronger daily, I have felt genuinely sick. Like a low-grade flu. I couldn’t put my finger on what was causing it and wondered if I was coming down with something. I rarely get sick – maybe I was due?
But no. Stress. Worry about literally (no-I’m not a teenaged girl, I actually mean this word in its true sense) everything. Things I don’t need to worry about, I am finding ways to worry about. I am stressing so much and trying to keep it in so much that it is actually making me physically ill. So, I find myself having to actually have conversations with myself whenever my stomach turns or I get a wave of strong nausea or I feel super dizzy. I remind myself that things are being handled, they are being dealt with and I can relax and know that everything in my control is handled and everything out of my control is just that: out of my hands, and I should let it go.
It’s not easy. But I am determined not to let it take over everything in my life. So now I will just wait for Sunday and my family to arrive home and I will allow myself to relax this weekend.