Humans, as a species, are pretty incredible. I mean, we’ve got that opposable thumbs thing down, we figured out how to make cars and computers, we can travel through the air in giant planes. Heck, we’ve even been to space!! We’ve written great works of literature and produced iconic pieces of art. We’ve written music to make the angels come down from heaven itself to listen. And don’t get me started on those proposal videos on YouTube…makes me tear up every time.
We’ve learned how to advance science and medicine. Electronic devices grow faster than the average consumer can keep up with. Satellites, internet, fiber optics, cellular technology. Laser surgery.
I could keep on going, extolling the virtues of a highly evolved people, but it just makes me sad. Because I myself, am not evolved. I have proof.
Last night, for about the hundred billionth time, I bit the inside of my own mouth.
Yes, I was practically eating my own face.
Since I am apparently still closer to the monkeys than I am to myself, I have decided to use this to my advantage. I have the greatest excuse now for ridiculous Neanderthal-esque behaviours. Cut me off in traffic? Imma throw my poop at you. Sorry, angry driver, not evolved. Don’t like the kids fighting?? Well I’ll just jump right in there and start bouncing up and down while screaming primal sounds at them. I’m sure they’ll stop their arguments in order to watch their crazy un-evolved mother make a spectacle of herself. And with the other added bonus of not being evolved (that is the part where I stub my toe a lot…cause apparently I have trouble walking sometimes) pretty soon I’ll be hunched over in pain so much that walking with a hunch will just be my default posture. I’ll be a hunched over, inside my own face eating, non evolved sight to see.