When I’m doing a show at the theatre here, the whole family feels it.
Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE that the kids are at an age where I can break away for a bit and go do something for me, but it takes it’s toll. Dinners are hurried affairs, with a lot of nights spent eating pizza in front of the television (I’m not super proud of that, but hey, it works)
Bedtime rituals fall by the wayside, along with laundry, sleep patterns, general house upkeep and quality time. The kids get used to us not being here, and they don’t always like it, but they seem to understand it.
This last show was particularly challenging, because I had to face some personal issues along with my role. It’s difficult to play a character with anxiety issues when you know those very same issues sometimes lurk a little close to the surface in real life. Many nights I would come off the stage and it would take up to a half an hour for my hands to stop shaking. On two occasions, I was very close to real tears.
But I loved it. Every second of it.
And it’s inevitable with the end of each show for some withdrawal to set in. You miss seeing your friends multiple times a week, you miss being able to get out and laugh with other adults, talk with them, lean on them and have them lean on you.
Today I was drained. Emotionally, physically drained. I couldn’t sleep last night and I was tired to the point of actually nearly falling asleep sitting up at one point. Thankfully, I was too busy at work to dwell on my exhaustion, and I caught my second wind as I pulled into my driveway with a few armfuls of groceries and a plan for dinner.
Tonight we all ate together, at the table, a homemade meal and no television to distract from our own company. It was wonderful and refreshing. I can’t remember the last time the kids laughed so hard with each other instead of at each other. I heard fantastical stories about their collective days at school, I couldn’t stop smiling.
After dinner I got to laugh with them even more as they bounced around full of good food and even better humour. No one argued when I asked them to do their chores. I snuggled one into an early sleep, and kissed my dogs, and had so many unasked for kisses and hugs from the kids that I felt….peaceful. Rejuvenated.
I’m still tired tonight. I’m still sore from the physical aspects of my job on stage over the weekend.
But I’m also happy that I get to come home to this amazing family full of bright and vibrant people who, when they have me back, with my undivided attention, seem to blossom into the loving and funny and incredible people I know they are. They help each other with homework without heaving the “teenage sigh”. They freely smile and trade quips with each other. They make me crazy happy.
As I look forward to the next few months, with summer vacation just around the corner and a “summer off” for me of coaching, mentoring or running any activities, I can only imagine how much I am going to enjoy just being with the kids and watching this incredible transformation they seem to be in from small children to small people. They’re all getting older, but they’re all getting better too.
It’s a ride I am so blessed to be on.
And I wouldn’t trade it for all the applause in the world.
I got a toothache! Too Sweet!!
For 2 weeks you were the greatest actress on earth. Today you are Mom!
You are blessed.
G
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